"It’s Not a Gift Unless You Give It"
Ron Fletcher said that to me but I bet a bunch of other smart folks have said it, too.
I’ve heard from several readers that they give so much when they teach that they don’t have much left over for themselves. I’ve heard this complaint over and over since getting into the Pilates industry in 2000, I’ve seen teachers of all experience levels burn out and I’ve also seen the end result of burn out which is where you end up with extreme problems giving anything, to anybody, under any circumstances.
Let us pray: Lord, in order for us to continue to grow in our love of this work, we need to be respected, valued, considered and well-regarded by clients and coworkers. Please help us treat all others with these values so that we may best prepare ourselves for being treated the same way. I know that change begins with me, Lord, so please help me change and please help guide those around me so they may change as well. Amen.
Until those prayers are answered, here’s a plan to help you figure out how to solve the problem of feeling like your energy/wisdom/effort is finite and that you are at risk of being personally diminished by giving too much away.
Let’s look at the very best day of our life: the most fun, the happiest, the most rewarding, the most meaningful. Was it the day your child was born, your wedding day, a special birthday, your child’s graduation or wedding? Think about the people who were there with you, the way you feel about them and all you did to prepare for the day.
Now let’s think about your worst day or, if you’re one of the readers who’ve written in, perhaps we can use the example of the chronic grind of studio life.
If you identify the types of people and your relationship with those who filled your best day and compare them with the types of people and your relationship with those who fill your worst days, we’ll be getting down to the essence of the problem.
If you’re ill, mentally or physically, you’ve got special circumstances to deal with and what I’m about to suggest will not necessarily apply to you. I assume you’re healthy and by that I mean you’re getting enough rest, proper nutrition and that your life is absent extraordinary stressors (death, suicide, illness, divorce, financial problems, Sonics fan, etc.).
With those assumptions out of the way, let’s move on to the generation of energy and the use of it.
Your energy is not finite; it’s infinite. Truth!
You get up every morning with a brand new fresh batch, full to the brim, reloaded and ready to launch with the express purpose to be used up, exhausted, emptied, turned, cycled through, run out and expressed. It’s supposed to be given away.
In fact, if the system is working properly, getting more energy actually depends upon getting rid of what you had when the day began.
You probably know someone who does absolutely nothing and they’re exhausted, right? And you probably also know someone who is in constant motion, highly productive and effective, and they have energy to burn, right? See the connection?
The system is designed for a complete exchange on a daily basis.
When teachers feel they’re giving too much away and they aren’t suffering from an extraordinary stressor, we must look to the folks they’re giving it to in order to identify the cause of the problem.
Think back to that best day event.
Let’s say it was your son’s college graduation and let’s say you not only worked like a dog to put him through school but you also supported him through all manner of poor behavior both social and academic and you put up with his mangy friends and thoughts of all those years of struggle and anguish filled your heart and mind as you prepared for the day. On graduation day, you hosted a lavish party for him and everyone was there and by everyone I mean anyone who has ever had anything to do with him since kindergarten, and yes, you were exhausted, and yes, you were depleted, and yes you were so very happy when it was over but it was still one of the best days of your life. You gave it all, you got it all, you wouldn’t change a thing.
Contrast that with a hell day at the studio. Your clients are lazy/late/disinterested/won’t shut up/complainers/etc., the teachers you work with are grouchy/incompetent/slackers/annoying/lazy/late/disinterested/won’t shut up/complainers/etc., your boss is disinterested/mean/taking advantage/grouchy/unfair/unappreciative/insensitive lazy/late/disinterested/won’t shut up/complainer/etc.
If there is even a slight degree of accuracy in this hypothetical scenario, there’s no doubt in my mind that the fix is in swapping out the folks you’re currently associating with for others who are actually deserving of your presence.
It’s the people. It’s always the people. They either make it or break it. And that’s true with pretty much anything.
So the good news is, you know how to fix it.
You’ve got to get the energy vampires off your book and out of your life. Change studios if you must.
If you don’t fix this situation, you run the risk of some seriously bad things happening.
As Sister Heidi Sidekick says, you’ll enter the World of Numb. You begin to numb out in order to get through the day. When that goes on long enough, you’ll actually stop having instincts, hunches and premonitions which are little problem solving ideas that pop into your mind as the day unfolds but they’re only going to keep coming if you pay attention to them. Those little problem solving ideas have probably told you to dump that client, talk to that teacher or meet with your boss and you’ve probably ignored them. When you ignore them long enough, you will simply stop having them.
Welcome to the Land of Numb. Living there, you can be talked into almost anything.
The way to get those instincts back is to consciously and repeatedly check in with yourself, inquiring into the dark abyss “hey, how you doing in there? anything on your mind?” and waiting, waiting, waiting for the whisper of a reply. When it rekindles, and it will, you better act.
After all, it’s not a gift until you give it, and the whole world needs yours.
Once you begin serving the right folks, your energy will run like air and water and sun – without end, strong and fast and certainly. I promise.